Blowjobs for Kerry

Polls open 7 a.m. to 8 p.m.

2004-11-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

Come along, follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provide just enough spark, that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength,
until they bring our troops home come on just . . .
Imagine it pouring, it's raining down on us

or whatever you have to imagine to get off... just VOTE KERRY!

more powerful than the media!

2004-11-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

...four debates, endorsements by the New York Times, Philadelphia Daily News, The Seattle Times, Arizona Daily Star, Detroit Free Press, New London Day, Philadelphia Inquirer, St. Louis Post Dispatch, The Oregonian, Portland Press Herald, Atlanta Journal Constitution and Seattle Post-Intelligencer are no competition for the persuasive powers of two minutes with the BJs for JK team!

Some more letters from our constituents in the "swing" states:

"I am one of the 8% out there that hasn't decided for whom I am going to vote. I think a blowjob would earn a Kerry vote. At least then, I would be voting for change. How can we arrange this? Thanks and have a great day."
-Kirk

"ok you got a deal but i need to see who is going to be doing the blowing. send a pic and we can meet and kerry has my vote."
-Joe

Joe, you sound like an educated consumer... we suspect you're already voting Kerry.

"I've heard of pollsters, but not pole-sters. I'd be compelled to watch your argue your point. Is there still time left to do so?
KL"

Sorry, KL, we're booked solid! Though we always like a big pun!

"Hey if you are for real, you can get 3 VOTES IN ONE, with me.. I have two kids who will vote whatever way I tell them... And right now we are on BUSH !! Let me know , if your for real.."
-Fritz

"what if it a bad blow job
?"
-Patrick

Patrick, we do not give bad blowjobs. Now we're insulted.

"I guess you could call me a swing voter. I voted for Bush in 2000, and yeah, I've been really disappointed with his administration on many issues - fiscal responsibility, non-existent planning for post-invasion Iraq, and the whole gay marriage consitutional amendment. But, at the same time, no one has really convinced me why I should vote for Kerry. Because he's not Bush? Not good enough. So, yeah, a blow-job (from a female - I am straight but definitely not narrow) would do the trick. I'll even let you into the voting booth with me if you don't believe me.
And then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about throwing away my vote on someone like Badnarik (Libertarian) or Nader or writing in McCain."
-Atlanta SWM

...that would be no

2004-11-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

"Big Dave" wrote us with this offer:
How about I eat your pussy if you vote for George Bush. I'll eat you till you cum to a mind blowing orgasm. Interested?

Dear Dave,
Deal, if you'll also catch Osama, pay off the largest budget deficit in American history and restore health
insurance to the 5.2 million people who lost it during the last four years. And bring back the 1,123
Americans who died in Iraq. And find the WMDs.
SYKE! You can't buy our vote with sexual favors.
Especially *after* we've given all these blowjobs!

We're the subject of "rumors"

2004-10-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

This thread from some blog:

From: Anonymous
Subject: fucking FOR Kerry
--------
If rumors persist that there are those who are trading blowjobs for Kerry votes, you should feel real guilty about not voting. I suppose an alternate would be offering blowjobs to Americans you meet who will be home before the election.
reply to this comment

From: Anonymous
Subject: http://blowjobsforkerry.blogs
--------
http://blowjobsforkerry.blogspot.com/
reply to this comment

A stunning testimonial!

2004-10-31T09:35:00.000-08:00

We're so busy at this point that I barely have time to post but I just received this glowing endorsement from a new Kerry voter:

Dear Blowjobs for Kerry Girls,

I just wanted to write to thank you for helping me to
make a decision as to who to vote for. My head is
clear now (no pun intended). I had been on the fence,
unable to decide between Bush and Kerry but after
listening to your arguments I now realize how I've
been hoodwinked for the last 4 years. Of course having
those arguments backed up by one of the best blowjobs
I've ever gotten in my life doesn't hurt either!

At first I thought that this whole thing was a scam,
but I have to tell you how pleasantly surprised I was
at your sincerity and professionalism. I was made to
feel comfortable right away, given some very
compelling literature (I loved the "Fahrenheit 911"
synopsis ...I never would have seen that movie
otherwise), and didn't feel intimidated in the least
by the pre-seminar. After hearing the facts, I can't
believe that I was ever even considering Bush!

I think that if more candidates could recruit campaign
workers like you who are willing to take the time to
discuss the issues in a one-on-one manner (and back it
up with some action), the political situation in this
country would improve dramatically...and we'd have a
lot more voter turnout!

Thank you so much! Keep up the great work.

Sincerely,

Another former undecided voter for Kerry

48 hours to go = approx. 24 more blowjobs for Kerry

2004-10-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

Will 24 voters make a difference? We should have started earlier! We got 45 emails in the past five hours, which should show you how motivated people are this election season. Here are our top contenders for Sunday's BJFK session:

"Hi there, I know you probably put the ad on there as a joke, but I am seriously on the fence right now. I am leaning toward Bush because I am a Republican and I like the security he provides. If I go on Tuesday, I would put my vote in for him. I just don't know what Kerry stands for because he flip flops a lot.

If you want to turn 2 votes toward Kerry (one less for Bush, one for Kerry) then I hope you write me and sway me. I'd also like it if you tld me in person what he stood for. It would help. I am CUTE and you would be happy you saw me. Thanks.
-A very confused voter"

This guy seems sincere in his confusion. He's clearly listened to too much campaign rhetoric and needs help clearing his head. Maybe he watched the GOP convention and those flip-flops stuck in his mind. In any case, he's a possibility.

"For the record, I am leaning towards Bush cut can definitely be swayed to go with Kerry, seeing I am a Bostonian."

Um.. your team just won the Series in a sweep after close to a hundred years, you're a resident of Taxachussetts, and it was a lunar eclipse last night.. and you're still voting Bush? You came close to a free blowjob but, um, no.

"I don't want Bush but I can't get behind Kerry either. Nader may be my guy. If you're truly doing this, then I've been a member of the wrong party. Secure my
transition to the Dems by sucking my cock! I'm ready for you - get back in touch."

Oh, the Nader voters. Love blowing the Nader voters, they're way more sincere. He might be in.

"My vote is for sale. Waiting to hear from you!

Love the crazy combination of democracy and capitalism.

More email coming in

2004-10-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

We've got enough on our hands already, heh, but they keep writing. We had NO IDEA that the nation had so many swingers.

"Hey there. I'm a 21 male from ***. Just wanting to know more about your offer. Right now I have no clue who to vote for. I really like Kerry, but then again Bush is tougher on his foriegn policies which isn't always a bad thing. Let me know more, because any little thing can push me one way or the other and seeing how bad ya'll want Kerry to win is making me think I should definitely vote for him."

He's right... the proven dedication of Kerry supporters is AWESOME. And then this guy has to go and up the ante:

"I am voting for Bush Tuesday. I'd like you to try and stop me though. I'll vote for Kerry if you BOTH blow me at the same time."

Sorry dude, not gonna happen. We have too many voters to deal with to provide you with two volunteers at once. However, bi-guy might be interested?

The response from the military: what the polls don't show!

2004-10-30T13:41:00.000-07:00

Military guys have been so responsive to our offers. Some of them are even sending us email from their military email accounts. It's not surprising, considering the Iraq boondoggle, but who knew there were so many disaffected soldiers willing to change their votes? They all look so cute in their uniforms, too.

Too many blowjobs! Not enough time!

2004-10-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

Election day is fast approaching. Us girls are working round the clock and let me tell you, it's hard work. So to speak. And the emails are still pouring in. What we really like about the guys who email us is how politically thoughtful they are as they consider getting a Blowjob For Kerry. Like this one:

"IM totaly down with that. How can i get mine?"

No, really, some people do put thought into the Blowjob For Kerry idea. This gentleman points out an important fact:

"Are you serious? I could definitely be persuaded! It'sa unique offer, but I don't uderstand it since Kerry should carry [this state] by 11 points. Do I have to vote, or can I just stay home?

Listen, in this election, no state is safe. Really! I mean, we'd prefer to blow guys from swing states, but it's hard to travel when you're so busy. We're not taking a single vote for granted.

John Kerry writes back!

2004-10-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Senator Kerry:

I just received your email and I thought I would reply to your thoughtful words.

Dear *** As we move into the final days of this campaign, I am working every hour to reach out to undecided voters and energize our base in battleground states. However, I feel it is important to take a few minutes to write to you.

There is really no way I can adequately thank you for all you have done. You and our entire online community have worked wonders throughout this election. Each day, when Mary Beth updates me on activities around the country, your incredible efforts are always one of the highlights.

>Our efforts HAVE been incredible, thank you! As you know, the response rate to Blowjobs For Kerry was an astounding 100%! As a member of your online community, of course, I felt it was the least I could do to mobilize voters.

You and I began this campaign pledging to meet every challenge and overcome every obstacle on our way to victory on November 2. I leave it to you to judge whether I have lived up to my end of that bargain. But I am sure about this -- you have lived up to yours.

>You know it, man! I really had no idea that so many men shaved their balls--that was a pleasant surprise--however, some of these "swing voters" were really not my cup of tea. But anything for the cause.

As you know, our deadline to fund critical get-out-the-vote operations is tonight at midnight. That is the last point -- just hours away -- at which you can make an online contribution that can be spent by Election Day. Believe me, if I did not think it could make the difference between winning and losing, I would not be turning to you one final time.

>You know, as much as I'd like to give more, I really feel like I've done enough at this point. My lips are numb.

Over the many months of this campaign, we have relied on our millions of grassroots supporters. At every point that we needed help, there was a dedicated group willing to take their turn and act.
Here is what is different about this moment -- this is the final day we will ask for your donations online and the final day your contributions can be used to fund vital get-out-the-vote efforts. Today is no one's turn to rest and everyone's turn to act.

>Yeah, um... but I really need to rest! I took so many turns acting, I lost count!

Let us dig deep and let us carry our values to victory.

>Values? Oh. Right. Shit.
Thank you so much for standing with me. I will never forget what you have done.

John Kerry

>I'll never forget it either, Senator Kerry. And next time you're in town, possibly staying in the area, around the airport, please don't hesitate to give me a shout. Everyone else did.

We have volunteers!

2004-10-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Blowjobs For Kerry never intended to recruit volunteers... but they're arriving in droves!

Most recently:

"Im willing to loan you my body for you to pimp for kerry....

all i ask is that

1. its safe

2. you supervise to make sure the guy doesnt get out of hand....

3. id get to watch you blow for kerry too

you would get to set all of the limits except for safety....

..the numbers of ppl and how it goes down and what gets 'done' would be up to you.."

Wow! I love seeing this kind of spirit.

What is Blowjobs For Kerry?

2004-10-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

Blowjobs For Kerry is a grass-roots movement designed to entice swing voters and Bush and Nader supporters into the Kerry camp. Since we're hotties, we figured there's no better way to get votes on our side than to provide free blowjobs to Kerry voters! The response has been amazing!

It turns out that most Bush supporters are NOT as die-hard as they thought. Some really great and supportive emails we've gotten:

"Hello, I am a bush fan right now, but with an advertisement such as yours, I would swing my vote in a HEARTBEAT!"
We persuaded an actual Bush voter! See, it doesn't take much work!

"I am very interested in this proposition. I have never voted before, and I have no side on who to vote for in this election."
This is the vaunted and highly sought "swing voter"--the guy who, against all odds, hasn't been paying attention for the past six months, and has no idea about any policies, positions, or maybe even party affiliations. How do you reach these voters? With blowjobs!

"I was a bush supporter in 2000. What do you have to offer to convince me to change? Election day is next tuesday and it is Friday now."
This voter is willing to consider all possibilities right up til the election. Good for him!

"Kerry's a joke. But, since my vote may not count anyway, I would love a bj for the promise of a Kerry vote. I'll even try to prove to you that I did vote for Kerry. Monday works best for me."
Again with the scheduling! Don't these voters know we have our mouths full? Still, it's encouraging to realize that, even without that damn paper trail, the committed citizens of our democracy are willing to try and earn their blowjobs.

"I'm leaning towards a Bush vote but I would like to know more about this offer. When are you available? Where would it take place? I know alot of those Kerry supporters are cuties."
We are indeed! I like that the Bush supporters have noticed our obvious charms.